Can couples counselling make things worse?

From a couples therapist perspective, it's important to acknowledge that while couples counseling can be incredibly beneficial, there are situations where it may appear to make things worse. However, this doesn't mean that therapy itself is the cause. Instead, it often reflects underlying issues within the relationship and the therapeutic process.

1. Finding the Right Therapist: The choice of therapist is critical. A trained and experienced couples therapist is essential to guide the process effectively. Couples should seek therapists with specific training in couples and relationship therapy. These therapists have the skills and knowledge necessary to navigate the complexities of intimate relationships.

2. Engagement from Both Partners: The success of couples counseling relies heavily on the willingness and commitment of both partners to actively participate in the process. If one or both partners are not fully engaged, it can hinder progress and make it seem like therapy is exacerbating issues.

3. Uncovering Hidden Issues: One common reason why couples may feel that therapy is making things worse is that therapy can bring hidden issues to the surface. Many couples suppress or avoid addressing certain problems, and therapy provides a safe space for these issues to emerge. While this can be uncomfortable and distressing, it is often a necessary step toward resolution.

4. Strong Emotions: Couples therapy can evoke strong emotions. Sometimes, these emotions can be overwhelming, and it may seem like therapy is making things worse in the short term. However, these emotions are often a sign that deeper issues are being addressed and worked through.

5. Miscommunication or Misunderstanding: In the early stages of therapy, couples may experience miscommunication or misunderstandings as they learn to communicate more effectively. This can sometimes create tension and frustration, but it's part of the process of improving communication within the relationship.

6. Temporary Regression: Occasionally, couples may temporarily experience a regression in their relationship dynamics during therapy as old patterns are challenged. This can be distressing, but it is often a sign of progress, as it indicates that the couple is exploring new ways of relating to each other.

In summary, couples counseling can be a transformative and positive experience when approached with the right therapist and a commitment from both partners. It's essential to recognize that therapy can sometimes bring challenging issues and emotions to the forefront, but this is often a necessary step towards healing and improving the relationship. Patience, open communication, and trust in the therapeutic process can help couples navigate these challenges and ultimately work together to strengthen their relationship.